Lazy....

Something my best friend said hit me straight in the gut the other weekend. She honestly probably has no idea how much it effected me, but it did. It was like a light switch went off. I was embarrassed, sad, and determined all at once all of a sudden. And I hate to even write about it because I know she did not direct the comment at me and that she would never intentionally hurt my feelings, but what she said stuck in my head. And I thank her for it.

We were at Riverfest in Little Rock, AR celebrating her 26th birthday with our wonderful significant others. While waiting for Snoop Dogg to come on (you read that correctly), this random girl next to us ask if I would go get her a beer. I politely told her no, but she then asked Olivia and she said she would. So off we went to get this random person a beer. In casual conversation, I asked Libby (Olivia, Libby..same person..keep up with me) why in the world this girl couldn't get her own beer?! Libby simply replied "she's lazy. Just look at her". Holy crap did that sting. It was completely not meant for me and I'll be a little conceited and admit I was definitely better looking than that broad, but she was smaller than me. At least I thought so, and it wasn't like I was polling the people around us to make sure. At that moment, a light went off. That was my problem. I am just plain lazy...

I've never been super skinny. I would give my left leg (I figure that is the least needed appendage. I would still have both my hands and my driving foot) to look like I did in high school when I thought I was soooo fat. I wasn't. I had a great figure. I was curvy with a big butt. I could have been more toned, but I definitely wasn't huge. Fast forward 8 years (that number weirds me out. It seriously has been 8 years since we graduated high school), and I am definitely over weight, very uncomfortable in my own skin, and a little (a lot) depressed about it. Yet, I don't do anything about it. I cry, bitch, and moan about how unhappy I am with my weight (mostly to myself since I like it put up a front that I'm super awesome and everyone should know it), but I still sit my fat ass in front of the TV every night munching on crap. 

It is simply that I am lazy. I have a wonderful job where I work when and how much I want. I know how to work out. I have dozens of DVDs, access to the Internet that is just full of websites willing to help me if I would just do it, and even lots of options in town in regards to gyms and personal trainers. But I guess it is just easier to bitch and moan and feel sorry for myself rather than make some changes and be happy with myself.

Now, I am not one of these people that has ever been bullied due to my size. I have always had lots of friends. I have had boyfriends. I grew up in an amazing family where both of my parents loved each other (and still do..going on 35 years!) where I was the only child (other than my older brother..bahaha) and had a pretty cushy life. I married my high school sweetheart who thinks I am the most beautiful and sexy thing to ever walk this planet. He makes me feel special. That a Victoria's Secret model could come up to him and try to whisk him away and he would tell her no. That is how amazing he makes me feel. We've been married almost 3 years (together almost 9), and he still looks at me with googly eyes. He is the reason I don't want to get off the couch and he is a big reason why I need to. I want us to have a long life together with as little health problems as possible. I want to have his babies (one day...not anytime soon..), and dammit, I want to be cute pregnant. I don't want to look like some beached whale. 

So ladies and gents, Monday is my 26th birthday. I will be celebrating with lots of loved ones who always make me feel special. And as of Monday, June 11, 2012, I will no longer be lazy. I will get up with my husband and workout before I go to work. I will work out with my husband after work. I will make smarter food choices. I know how to do it. I just need to do it. I have a friend who recently lost over 100 pounds doing it the hard way. 100 pounds! That is amazing! She has always been beautiful, but now she just radiates because of her self confidence. I want to feel like that. I want to be as confident on the inside as I portray on the outside. And while I am not really telling anyone about this little blog post until I have reached my first goal weight (or maybe my second goal weight), I am writing it as a reminder to myself. That I am worthy. That I am beautiful. And as long as I have God, my family, and my friends on my side cheering me on, I can do anything. I will be healthy.. and not lazy...

Love always,

Annie